If you ever find yourself in need of a financial advisor in California, may I suggest you steer clear of Michael Kevin Lallana? Or, at the very least, you should bring your own water to any meetings you have with him.
Mr. Lallana was arrested yesterday for allegedly ejaculating into his female co-worker's water bottle in their office on two separate occasions.
I know, right. Gross.
The first time he did it, on 14 January, the co-worker drank it, “felt sick” and poured it out. The second time her water tasted strange to her, she sent for lab testing. The results: semen.
Apparently Lallana volunteered a DNA sample when asked to do so (oh wow, how upstanding of him!) and doesn’t take a genius to figure this one out: it was a positive match.
Lallana, a husband and father, is currently jail time and mandatory sex offender registration if he is convicted.
I almost hope he's innocent though, just for the story of how someone obtained his semen and put it in that coworker's water bottle. I wonder if there’ll come a time when we’ll have to carry those little semen-detecting lights, like forensic investigators in a CSI episode. Also, the mystery of how the victim detected the semen in her water (and felt sick) has not yet been addressed.
I do have to point out that some of the comments in this online story were simply inspired:
Another interesting comment:
On a separate but totally related note, across the pond, a new book 'MI6: The History of the Secret Intelligence Service 1909-1949' by Professor Keith Jeffery has reveals that a member of MI6, the British spy agency, discovered that semen makes excellent invisible ink.
The discovery that that "semen would not react to iodine vapour” was made during WWI and often deployed in the field.
And the name of the man who discovered this?
Mansfield Cumming.
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